Still having quite the painting dilemma :-( I wonder where it went and how long it'll be gone :-(
The 2nd attempt to restart the portrait of my sitter resulted in another tossed out painting. At this point, I cannot justify the expense of wasted material. I went back to an old painting of my son, to see what happens. If it becomes a mess, I will take a break, possibly just keep up my drawing for a few months and see how painting goes in the Fall. It's definitely psychosomatic. I didn't forget how to paint, it's just not going from my brain to my hands right now :-( My son recommended taking a break. He said that I couldn't have forgotten how to paint but that maybe am stressed out and it's just not working right now. So, after trying this week to see if there is any difference, I will take his advice. If painting is gone form my life for good, I don't know what will happen, or how I'd deal with that.
Well, there are plenty of things around our house that have been neglected for years and maybe this is the time to catch up on them.
Had a busy weekend. I was out a lot of it. Got to relax on the Go Train and read Saturday on a trip downtown. I always like that. It was however, more crowded than usual this Saturday. Kind of little disappointing as I look forward to a relaxing ride home, eating a quick snack while I wait for the train, especially since it is Not rush hour, like on a weekday afternoon. But, it was still fine.
This week is also very busy as is our weekend. There is always so much running around to do and so many plans. It is going to be difficult this Summer to get anywhere on the weekends since Sat and Sunday late afternoons are filled with soccer practices. It leaves it difficult to fit family visiting in. I feel it is important to see my Dad, siblings and my inlaws and sister and brother in law, so we'll have to try to find some time, some sort of solution to it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Belladonna
In about 2001/2002, I first kind of entered that (good and bad) online world of associating with other artists. There are 2 great reasons, important and life long reasons, why it was good, versus many reasons why it was probably bad. However, separate from that, is one woman and artist who has stuck in my mind, at different times, that I had the honour of meeting. Her ID name and that on her site, was Belladonna.
Most of my life, I have not chosen to surround myself with other artists. Never was there a conscious reason that I can pinpoint. I think it was because I always have functioned on differences, contrating compliments, not coinciding or similar veins. I needed that break from what was a very inner part of me, with the refreshing and interesting differences of others. I now see that I am not so different than "non artists". People are so surprising when you find out more deeper parts of their personalities, and everyone possesses that "special thing" which makes them unique. Artists are not the only ones. Everyone has there deep dark side too, if you want to see it.
Anyway, not to intentionally defer from my intention of bringing this artist to anyone's attention, I'll get back on point.
I am sad to say, I cannot recall the exact date she passed away. However, it was far too early. She, by my calculations (and I love making calcualtions) she would have been mid to late 40s when she passed away. I don't know what she died from, and I am unsure 100% when I heard but I believe it was Jan 2008 or 2009. At that time, I had not seen her online for a couple years.
I never even knew her first name. She lived in Kingston, Ontario. I don't think she ever reached any artist notoriety, and like many artists, her work as Good and Bad. However, she had something and she was one of the first fellow woman artists I discovered and admired, in the new open world of the Net.
She was tough, bold, opinionated, smart, a free spirit, unafraid, aggressive, not to mention had gorgeous hair lol! Though we did not always see eye to eye, she reached out and invited me to take part in some sort of women's art show in Kingston, years ago, and I will always remember that, and my brief contact with her.
Her site is an old Geocities free site and it is still up although I don't know if it always will be.
http://www.geocities.com/belladonna_s/
This painting, I've always loved, because we had blue glass goblets like this, and I've always loved that Edwardian, corset age, Medievil type look to things, like this ruby red goblet she painting. The drama and sexiness of that goblet really made me love this painting.
I don't want her to be just forgotten.
Most of my life, I have not chosen to surround myself with other artists. Never was there a conscious reason that I can pinpoint. I think it was because I always have functioned on differences, contrating compliments, not coinciding or similar veins. I needed that break from what was a very inner part of me, with the refreshing and interesting differences of others. I now see that I am not so different than "non artists". People are so surprising when you find out more deeper parts of their personalities, and everyone possesses that "special thing" which makes them unique. Artists are not the only ones. Everyone has there deep dark side too, if you want to see it.
Anyway, not to intentionally defer from my intention of bringing this artist to anyone's attention, I'll get back on point.
I am sad to say, I cannot recall the exact date she passed away. However, it was far too early. She, by my calculations (and I love making calcualtions) she would have been mid to late 40s when she passed away. I don't know what she died from, and I am unsure 100% when I heard but I believe it was Jan 2008 or 2009. At that time, I had not seen her online for a couple years.
I never even knew her first name. She lived in Kingston, Ontario. I don't think she ever reached any artist notoriety, and like many artists, her work as Good and Bad. However, she had something and she was one of the first fellow woman artists I discovered and admired, in the new open world of the Net.
She was tough, bold, opinionated, smart, a free spirit, unafraid, aggressive, not to mention had gorgeous hair lol! Though we did not always see eye to eye, she reached out and invited me to take part in some sort of women's art show in Kingston, years ago, and I will always remember that, and my brief contact with her.
Her site is an old Geocities free site and it is still up although I don't know if it always will be.
http://www.geocities.com/belladonna_s/
This painting, I've always loved, because we had blue glass goblets like this, and I've always loved that Edwardian, corset age, Medievil type look to things, like this ruby red goblet she painting. The drama and sexiness of that goblet really made me love this painting.
I don't want her to be just forgotten.
New Work Plans
For a couple years now, I've been trying to arrange a meeting up with a person from our pool league who I feel would make a great subject for a portrait. He was fine with posing for some shots for the reference so I hope to be able to get to that next week. He has a neat look, with long thick hair and neat features and darkish tanned skin from his working outdoors, plus one of those arm band tattoos. His business is extremely busy, so it is hard to get him pinned to a time to meet. I can imagine if I had to paint him totally from life lol! I better have a perfect memory then lol! So, hopefully, he'll have a few spare moments next week. I have the location picked out where I want to take the photos, which is right near where we play pool anyway, so close to home. This portrait will be one that also has a background environment. I feel that this portrait would be a good one to do, plus it moves away from all the woman I tend to paint all the time.
There won't be much painting time this weekend for me since I and we have a busy one, but I hope to atleast begin something new; atleast to get the canvas toned in and the drawing began. I have not decided as of yet, as to whether I want to re begin the portrait of my sitter that I was doing for a demo. I will use the original drawing, if this is the case, and get it onto the surface somehow. It's too small to project and it's difficult to project onto a toned surface as well. It's much easier to draw it freehand, but I want to use my original drawing due to it havign been so accurate, which I have saved on my computer from the demo still. I need to figure out how to get it on the canvas. Toning or washing over the drawing makes a mess but that could maybe be a solution if done carefully.
There won't be much painting time this weekend for me since I and we have a busy one, but I hope to atleast begin something new; atleast to get the canvas toned in and the drawing began. I have not decided as of yet, as to whether I want to re begin the portrait of my sitter that I was doing for a demo. I will use the original drawing, if this is the case, and get it onto the surface somehow. It's too small to project and it's difficult to project onto a toned surface as well. It's much easier to draw it freehand, but I want to use my original drawing due to it havign been so accurate, which I have saved on my computer from the demo still. I need to figure out how to get it on the canvas. Toning or washing over the drawing makes a mess but that could maybe be a solution if done carefully.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Mid Week
So far, this week has been ok but still very busy and loaded. My days off still get sort of too crammed with thigns that deter me from really getting into a longish painting day. But, compared to most woman/mom artists, I am pretty lucky and I've managed to be able to keep up art in my life. I actually am pretty spoiled that way so should be grateful no doubt. Although, it's been sort of not so organized and on an erratic path for a lot of it. Lots of times, there was the necessity to make a good enough income from it so I Could keep it up and avoid doing something else for a living that would entirely wipe out my energy and motivation for Any art. However, having a part time job allows me to be less concerned with a Steady income From art and should (operative word "should") just allow me to paint. However, I think my main error is not putting enough forethought into What I am painting, deciding too fast, not enough focus. That is something I need to really find a solution to and attend to, if I am going to continue to put time or money into art.
Another thing that really needs to be avoided, is spending time doing for others, and focusing more on My artwork and my own development. My time is so limited at this point in my life, that I need to be more choosey with what I spend it on, art related wise. I may never be one of the top notch 1% but I should be far better than I am, at this point in my life. Above all, I need to be happy with what I am producing, whether it fits anyone else's idea of "real art" or "good art" or not.
I am real behind in taking care of the house and the garden and lawn this week too and that always will bug me enough to distract me from producing anything I like either, art wise. Some of that needs to be caught up on for my mood or focus to be restored. This is the first time in all my life that I have lost focus, concentration and ability to work on my artwork so it is very disconcerting and needs to be solved. If it cannot, I will not even have my art to look forward to.
Life drawing was ok this week. I wish I could go next week but cannot. However, maybe the break will be good. Maybe I am getting too saturated. That happens to me.
This Summer, I hope, will be a good one. I am remaining optimistic :-) It's always nice to have the kids' routines broken as everyone needs a break from the school day routine, even parents.
Another thing that really needs to be avoided, is spending time doing for others, and focusing more on My artwork and my own development. My time is so limited at this point in my life, that I need to be more choosey with what I spend it on, art related wise. I may never be one of the top notch 1% but I should be far better than I am, at this point in my life. Above all, I need to be happy with what I am producing, whether it fits anyone else's idea of "real art" or "good art" or not.
I am real behind in taking care of the house and the garden and lawn this week too and that always will bug me enough to distract me from producing anything I like either, art wise. Some of that needs to be caught up on for my mood or focus to be restored. This is the first time in all my life that I have lost focus, concentration and ability to work on my artwork so it is very disconcerting and needs to be solved. If it cannot, I will not even have my art to look forward to.
Life drawing was ok this week. I wish I could go next week but cannot. However, maybe the break will be good. Maybe I am getting too saturated. That happens to me.
This Summer, I hope, will be a good one. I am remaining optimistic :-) It's always nice to have the kids' routines broken as everyone needs a break from the school day routine, even parents.
Friday, June 05, 2009
A Funny Week
This week was sort of a catalyst week for me. My mind became a bit clearer and a little more focused again, after mid week. I began a drawing, just to warm back up to painting again. I think I needed to go back to some basics just to exercize my artist side but not to be working on anything that had any reason to turn out, work out, etc. I'm not mourning the loss of the portrait I had begun, though I should be I guess, but I want to move on and not cry about split milk anymore. I will begin it again, from my original drawing that was so good and so accurate. That girl I was painting is on her way to Italy, lucky girl!, to train as a chef through her school program. It would have been so great to have been able to do something like that in my 20s, I am happy for her.
Today, I look forward to going again to the AGO, with an artist friend. I had been near my birthday, with my Dad, and I enjoyed it but missed a lot of the gallery as I was tired that day and we left before doing the European section. I can skip the Group of Seven stuff if we run out of time, since it is my least favourite, except for their little loose studies and Thompson's stuff. There is so much more to Canadian art than that group, in my personal and maybe not so popular opinion. Lilias Torrence Newton's work thrills me more than those guys ever could.
My work is teaching me accounting, Quickbooks, so there is another new skill I will learn! I am so excited. I always loved working with numbers and figures and debits, credits, balancing, etc. My head works like that as well as being an artist. That is a field I could have pursued too. Having a great memory helps with it a lot too.
Lately, my drives to work have been rather icky lol! I've now seen those large black birds haulign away chunks of dead road kill on may separate occasions. However, I have also seen other weird bird stuff this year. I see red winged black birds attacking those larger black birds, all over. I saw a baby robin that was larger than it's parents but still a baby, in our yard and I see the parents feeding it often. We saw birds flyign in an odd line while driving and instead of crossing us, they were ahead of us so it was an odd sensation as they seemed to be moving but staying still. My son and I watched them as we sat in slow traffic on the way home from his guitar.
I also had the occassion to actually have a good chat with my kids and be the Mom figure more than usual this week, helping my kids deal with a couple social issues and attitude issues, that were occurring with them. Friendships can be as hard as couple relationships in many ways, and very difficult when you've got kids that are friends but maturing at different intervals, socially. I see my daughter be tough on the soccer field, getting a yellow card and body checking kids lol! but I see her being too timid to deal with friends who are not treating her properly. It was nice to actually feel like I may have helped my kids a bit, with my words and their words. Usually it's their Dad being the "Good Mother" Most of all, I think communication is the key to everything, although it can be a hard habit to get into for some.
Today, I look forward to going again to the AGO, with an artist friend. I had been near my birthday, with my Dad, and I enjoyed it but missed a lot of the gallery as I was tired that day and we left before doing the European section. I can skip the Group of Seven stuff if we run out of time, since it is my least favourite, except for their little loose studies and Thompson's stuff. There is so much more to Canadian art than that group, in my personal and maybe not so popular opinion. Lilias Torrence Newton's work thrills me more than those guys ever could.
My work is teaching me accounting, Quickbooks, so there is another new skill I will learn! I am so excited. I always loved working with numbers and figures and debits, credits, balancing, etc. My head works like that as well as being an artist. That is a field I could have pursued too. Having a great memory helps with it a lot too.
Lately, my drives to work have been rather icky lol! I've now seen those large black birds haulign away chunks of dead road kill on may separate occasions. However, I have also seen other weird bird stuff this year. I see red winged black birds attacking those larger black birds, all over. I saw a baby robin that was larger than it's parents but still a baby, in our yard and I see the parents feeding it often. We saw birds flyign in an odd line while driving and instead of crossing us, they were ahead of us so it was an odd sensation as they seemed to be moving but staying still. My son and I watched them as we sat in slow traffic on the way home from his guitar.
I also had the occassion to actually have a good chat with my kids and be the Mom figure more than usual this week, helping my kids deal with a couple social issues and attitude issues, that were occurring with them. Friendships can be as hard as couple relationships in many ways, and very difficult when you've got kids that are friends but maturing at different intervals, socially. I see my daughter be tough on the soccer field, getting a yellow card and body checking kids lol! but I see her being too timid to deal with friends who are not treating her properly. It was nice to actually feel like I may have helped my kids a bit, with my words and their words. Usually it's their Dad being the "Good Mother" Most of all, I think communication is the key to everything, although it can be a hard habit to get into for some.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Piss or Get Off the Pot
Today, this is the decision I have made. I have a part time job to enable me to have time to paint. So, it's either I bring my painting up to par and out of it's recent rut, or I pack it in and alter my life completely :-) Too much is keeping me, or I'm letting things keep me, from using this time I have made for myself, at the sacrifice of havign a decent full time career in some field I'd excel in, to pursue this passion, despite where it leads to. Thsi needs to become forefront. I need to begin completing a good and decent body of work, and I need to have the time to actually concentrate and not physically wreck my paintings so the surfaces become unworkable any longer and it has to be begun again. I certainly will not be touching again, the canvas I was given, the oil painting planned, until this is all straightened out and I can trust myself and my work again. However, I suspect oil is easier since I could remove it easier as compared to acrylic.
Unfortunately, it cannot be helped that outside things sometimes pop up and I have to abandon my painting day, as well as the part of the housework and yardwork that I am responsible for also needs to be done, but I need to really use those painting hours I do have, constructively. Otherwise, there is no justification for me only having a part time income and days off if it is all going to be wasted.
Looking forward to getting back on track :-) I've set an ultimatum for myself.
Unfortunately, it cannot be helped that outside things sometimes pop up and I have to abandon my painting day, as well as the part of the housework and yardwork that I am responsible for also needs to be done, but I need to really use those painting hours I do have, constructively. Otherwise, there is no justification for me only having a part time income and days off if it is all going to be wasted.
Looking forward to getting back on track :-) I've set an ultimatum for myself.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A Beautiful Band-City and Colour
They must be Canadian, because it is spelled "colour" I love when the U is there as the word always seems more rich visually, so I am happy to see that we Canadians, which was British based, get to spell many words with the U.
In any event, I want to mention an amazing music group called City and Colour. I had forgotten about their songs but was reminded when I saw them on my son's Ipod. I was happy to see his tastes are broader than just the typical junk pop that is out nowadays and everyone is listening to. Not to say I don't like some of that mass appeal junk pop myself lol! I suspect, although my son can be lazy with practicing his guitar, that he is truly a "music person". He also enjoys radio programs on the history behind bands, new music history show he lately listens to, etc. I can see he appreciates a greater variety and variance in music, then my daughter, as well as knows a bit about past musicians, etc. That is kind of nice.
In any event, I want to mention an amazing music group called City and Colour. I had forgotten about their songs but was reminded when I saw them on my son's Ipod. I was happy to see his tastes are broader than just the typical junk pop that is out nowadays and everyone is listening to. Not to say I don't like some of that mass appeal junk pop myself lol! I suspect, although my son can be lazy with practicing his guitar, that he is truly a "music person". He also enjoys radio programs on the history behind bands, new music history show he lately listens to, etc. I can see he appreciates a greater variety and variance in music, then my daughter, as well as knows a bit about past musicians, etc. That is kind of nice.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Good Weekend
This weekend was good. It had its fun moments and some tough moments. The weather was terrific, not too hot for the soccer team and comfortable for the parents. My son was upset that his Xbox could not be hooked up to the TV in the hotel. My husband was glad actually, as he ended up having fun at the fields. He did the lines a few times and practiced his own soccer footwork stuff lol! So, after a little tantrum and self pity about his Xbox and why couldn't he stay home, etc., he ended up making the best of his "ordeal" and actually had fun lol!
Ottawa is a great town, I really like it. I am sure I'll see it many times in the future too, especially since I have a good friend there. This time, I spent the one day with her, as opposed to the 3 and a bit days we got last year. But, both of us were busier this year, at this time. We went to the National Gallery and it's a lovely gallery. I saw the Lilias Torrence self portrait I really like. We visited a lot of small local galleries but I find a lot of the work in them is all sort of naive, abstract type work, which can become sort of depressing in a way, to see over and over, after long periods of time. There was one gallery that had gorgeous glass work, ink stain type organic shapes trapped in glass, which was large and hung and created beautiful shadows and reflections on the walls. It was stunning. The artist's name is Rui Pimenta. The name reminded me of pimentos, in olives lol. Which, in turn, kind of matched the work for some reason. His work had a sort of medical feel to it, like slides with blood or bodily fluids trapped for observatin in a microscope. But, it was not gross in any way, very milifori kind of looking and beautiful.
As for the tournament, the girls played awesome again this year. They took silver as 2nd, in a shootout last year, but won gold this year, coming in first! One girl, she scored 7 goals over the weekend. My daughter, excitingly enough, scored the final game winning goal in the last 45 secs, which kept them from going to a shoot out, to win the tournament! She did it with assistance from a team mate passing to her, and the girls were so ecstatic to realize they just won!
I got ribbed a bit for taking off during the Saturday, by other parents, since I am "team photographer" lol! However, I still got over 375 photos just from Sunday. Luckily, my battery held out. The last 3 or so photos, I had to keep turning the camera off and back on, between photos, so it would still have a bit of power left for the team photo.
My friend's garden and her yard are so cool and I got some photos of that too. It's so wildish and Unanally kept and that is so refreshing. It seems so alive and real.
Today, I had my latest acrylic portrait so "perfect" and I should have stopped when I knew I should have, but continued to work on it. My husband had opened the window to do something, and my light was way too strong and bounced off my surface way too much. It took a matter of 5 mins to wreck 4 hrs of work :-( I was so upset with myself. I did manage to correct it but now feel rushed and stressed so am not sure if I'll get any of the progress up today. I still have a ton of stuff to do from our trip away this year. We did not get the kids from Wales at all, in our home, but my son wishes now that we had as they are fun he says lol! They are taking a bunch of them to the mall tomorrow and playing street hockey with them. They did not know what soccer was lol! They call it football, of course, but some did not even know what was being asked of them when asked if they like Soccer lol! Their response was "what the $#@^ is soccer?!" lol! I think this is all quite a cool experience for the 2 groups of kids, meeting others from a different country. They are a year younger too, but in the same grade, the kids from Wales. Next year, my son's rugby team has the chance to go there, and live in other kids' homes, like these kids are. It's the 5th year for it apparently, and it's been really successful.
Ottawa is a great town, I really like it. I am sure I'll see it many times in the future too, especially since I have a good friend there. This time, I spent the one day with her, as opposed to the 3 and a bit days we got last year. But, both of us were busier this year, at this time. We went to the National Gallery and it's a lovely gallery. I saw the Lilias Torrence self portrait I really like. We visited a lot of small local galleries but I find a lot of the work in them is all sort of naive, abstract type work, which can become sort of depressing in a way, to see over and over, after long periods of time. There was one gallery that had gorgeous glass work, ink stain type organic shapes trapped in glass, which was large and hung and created beautiful shadows and reflections on the walls. It was stunning. The artist's name is Rui Pimenta. The name reminded me of pimentos, in olives lol. Which, in turn, kind of matched the work for some reason. His work had a sort of medical feel to it, like slides with blood or bodily fluids trapped for observatin in a microscope. But, it was not gross in any way, very milifori kind of looking and beautiful.
As for the tournament, the girls played awesome again this year. They took silver as 2nd, in a shootout last year, but won gold this year, coming in first! One girl, she scored 7 goals over the weekend. My daughter, excitingly enough, scored the final game winning goal in the last 45 secs, which kept them from going to a shoot out, to win the tournament! She did it with assistance from a team mate passing to her, and the girls were so ecstatic to realize they just won!
I got ribbed a bit for taking off during the Saturday, by other parents, since I am "team photographer" lol! However, I still got over 375 photos just from Sunday. Luckily, my battery held out. The last 3 or so photos, I had to keep turning the camera off and back on, between photos, so it would still have a bit of power left for the team photo.
My friend's garden and her yard are so cool and I got some photos of that too. It's so wildish and Unanally kept and that is so refreshing. It seems so alive and real.
Today, I had my latest acrylic portrait so "perfect" and I should have stopped when I knew I should have, but continued to work on it. My husband had opened the window to do something, and my light was way too strong and bounced off my surface way too much. It took a matter of 5 mins to wreck 4 hrs of work :-( I was so upset with myself. I did manage to correct it but now feel rushed and stressed so am not sure if I'll get any of the progress up today. I still have a ton of stuff to do from our trip away this year. We did not get the kids from Wales at all, in our home, but my son wishes now that we had as they are fun he says lol! They are taking a bunch of them to the mall tomorrow and playing street hockey with them. They did not know what soccer was lol! They call it football, of course, but some did not even know what was being asked of them when asked if they like Soccer lol! Their response was "what the $#@^ is soccer?!" lol! I think this is all quite a cool experience for the 2 groups of kids, meeting others from a different country. They are a year younger too, but in the same grade, the kids from Wales. Next year, my son's rugby team has the chance to go there, and live in other kids' homes, like these kids are. It's the 5th year for it apparently, and it's been really successful.
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